Today's Classified Ad

SWM, 29, seeking a big and beautiful body of land inhabited solely by indigenous people. I would like to come over and meet all of you with some of my like-minded friends who wish to avoid religious persecution. Must be clean, not too strong, non-scalping preferred. If you would like, we could share meals together. I have been tested for most contagious diseases, so we should be fine there. You will recognize me when my large ship comes pulling up to your banks. Must allow gambling and alcohol. Interest in beads and pelts preferred. No fatties!