Thank you Osco! Your fear-based advertising is a refreshing change from all the other fear-based advertising I see on the news.

On my lunch break, which is when I always make sure to do my important tasks, I went to Osco Drugs to refill a few prescriptions. Making my way past the Krispy Kremes and Coca Cola in the front, I chuckled at how far back you have to go in the store to get anything healthy. I think if you even reach on a shelf for Brown Rice, you are immediately dragged through the shelf and into Narnia. It's true! It happened to my aunt once, but due to her girth and freakish upper body strength, she was able to pull herself back and promptly dropped a box of Honey Smacks into her cart. She'd tell you herself, but she's dead. Just kidding, she's just brain-dead. We have her on a feeding tube. Actually, we're not really sure if she's brain dead. Anyway, let's bring this back to me. I approached the counter and found my always courteous Pharmacist talking on the phone. Without making eye contact, she politely raised one finger to me, which I took to mean I should wait until she was finished talking and then she would gladly assist me in our 12 second transaction. Not 48 seconds later, I was given the privilege of handing over my doctor-written requests for my necessary medicinals. "So just the Prozac and Xanex?" She's so cute when she's acting non-chalant! "That's right my good lady! And I thank you in advance!" Turning to walk to the "waiting area", six chairs and a blood pressure machine, I noticed an advert for Aspirin.














Well, this was just the news I was looking for! I don't normally think about the fact I could drop dead at any moment, so occasionally I DO need a little reminder. I mean, if my doctor thought I needed to take something to help prevent an embolism he'd tell me, right? But then again, you never can be sure! I mean like it says, there are miles of arteries in your heart and brain alone, how remote can the possibility really be that I could clot? I drink a shitload of alcohol, so that can help thin my blood, but is that really enough? Am I paying no mind to the man behind the curtain? Am I ignoring the purple elephant in the room? Well, with all this going through my mind I did have a chance to be appreciative. Who loves ya, baby. Osco, that's who. I know you're not out to hawk some shit. You are genuinely concerned for my well being and care what happens to me, your loyal customer! A tiny comfort eased over me as I took this warming thought and let it envelop me like a thick, fuzzy blanket on a cold afternoon. Some people still really do care. The news cares if I am in danger of fetal jaundice, which is why they present teasers like "Is your kid at risk for turning yellow and dying a slow, painful, orangish death? Stay tuned!" Or the government. "9/11 happened and we didn't see that coming. Are you prepared?" and "We're raising the alert to Orange, but go about your business. Wouldn't be a bad idea to stop off at Osco and get yourself some duct tape though." I need these reminders to slap me out of a false sense of security and open my eyes to the possibility I may be clotting right now. I leaned over the counter and asked my little Mustang Sally "How much for this Aspirin? And any chance of getting an advance on two of those Xanex before the 20 minutes you require to bottle my medicinals?"

Fignuts! I just like the sound of it.