So is the "L" word love or lesbian, because I kind of like both

In my family, the L word has always been Legacy. My great-grandfather was desperate for attention, nay, notoriety, so he attempted several things. He ran unsuccessfully for a seat in Congress in Pennsylvania, he tried various inventions like the sugar-less cube and a switch that would sit on a wall and ignite a kerosene lamp, a stunt that left my relatives homeless and scarred. He finally settled on what today would be considered a Reality Show stunt, he sodomized a chicken on the steps of the Governor's mansion in Pennsylvania. He was very militant in his child-rearing tactics, teaching all of his kids to strive their way out of obscurity. My grandfather would stand on a corner with a bullhorn and spew right-wing propaganda and racial epithets. He was way ahead of his time. If only he were around to try that today, he'd have a golden ticket! I'm surprised no one has done it yet! At one point my Great-Grandfather, Grandfather, and Father all shared a cell. My father went to jail for trying to rob credit unions. I don't think he really understood the idea...So here I sit, a man of 30, with a legacy of failed legacies before me. And I'm burdened. Not burdened like when Arnold had to decide if he should tell on the bike shop owner for being inappropriate with Dudley, more burdened like the kids in Dazed and Confused. I'm all wrecked on drugs, my life is going nowhere, Conservatism is the norm, and I can't quite figure out how to leave my mark. So here's what I'm thinking. My dad is the president of our Condo association, has been for years, but he's getting ready to move into a retirement home. Well I haven't told him this yet, but I think he's ready. I still live at home. Ready? I become president of the Association? Sounds pretty easy to me. A little Vodka for Mr. Bolski in 2F, some new bikes for Mr. and Mrs. Flores' kids in 6C, and some sympathy sex with Ms. Nellhoffer in 3B, and the seat is mine! Now how is that a legacy? I'm not done yet. Our complex is surrounded by four other complexes run pretty poorly as far as I can tell. I convince the building owner to buy out these complexes and make them look like ours. Then I become a president of a giant Association! Keep makin' bills, keep buying complexes, before you know it I'm Czar Peter the Great, man! Now that is a legacy, and the only thing that's slowing me back is trying to slip enough GSB into our condo owner's daughter's drinks to put her in a blackmailable situation. Don't worry, I'll think of something, it's my Legacy!

Moral? Don't let anything or anyone stand in the way of your Totalitarian dreams!



On a serious tip, my new hero Paul Hackett, when he was told Rush Limbaugh said he fought in Iraq to "pad his resume", replied "That doesn't surprise me coming from that fat ass drug addict."

Oh Shit! It's on!