My TiVo Has Lost Its Fucking Mind

My TiVo and I have a very special relationship. It just knows what I like. I love to come home from work, ease into the couch, start downloading a snuff film, and let the good times roll. The first thing I check is my recorded TiVo suggestions. It's always filled with such gooey goodness as The Simpsons, Family Guy, CSI, and if I'm lucky an episode of Small Wonder. Oh, and of course tons of the greatest show ever, Saved By The Bell. Yes, the original. No, not the College Years. But something horrific has begun, and I fear there may be no way to stop the coming horde. Two episodes of Laguna Beach appeared in what was once a happy playground, leaving a trail of ashes and destruction in its path. Not being one to stand idly by, I went straight to the source. Just like CSI's Gil Grissom would do, I went to MTV to scan its programming to try and find some sort of a clue as to why it would believe I liked this shit. Not having watched this channel for several years, I was stunned to find my once great bastion of youth and originality to now be filled with whiny bitches and future jizz moppers who believe themselves to be The Coolest Mother Fucker In The Room. And no, not just one show, but all shows! All shows on MTV are reality and they are on at all hours. MTV has now sold itself out to idiocy and societal defacement. That's when it hit me, like Ike Turner in a room full of co-dependant women. MTV is Zack Morris. Not just any Zack Morris, but Zack Morris from the episode Rockumentary. This is the fantastic episode where the Zack Attack is practicing in the garage. Yes, they all play instruments. Who knew? Not me. Anyway, they get discovered and start to tour, playing the rockingest song on television, Friends Forever. But Zack starts his dark slide to hell, being seduced by woman who convinces him he doesn't need his friends and makes him into a Vanilla Ice Ripoff joke that everyone loves. This is MTV. Someone told them they were really cool and new and hip and counter-culture and they listened. They became a sellout more in love with themselves and their image than doing something cool and edgy. Now that I reread this I realize I've given MTV too much of my time already. Fuck this, I'm going to check out VH1. They used to play videos..........................Hey, what the Fuck is Breaking Bonaduce???!!!